If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
