I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
