i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
