dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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