The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
