I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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