Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
