Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
