walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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