Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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