If i come over, it means nothing
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
