i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
