I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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