i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
