They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
