I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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