I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
