i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
