That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
