One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
