goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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