WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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