so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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