I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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