I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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