I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
