Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
