sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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