Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
