i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
