Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
