even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
