My boss' voice literally gives me gas
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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