I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
