dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize