I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They are going to name an STD after you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
