I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
