Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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