just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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