What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
