i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
