i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
