tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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