With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
there is glitter all over my balls
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