Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
