yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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