Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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