I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
