Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
