He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
