Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
