I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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