So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
