Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
