This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
