You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
