I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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