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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (646): View more from New York

  He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife

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