well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?