Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Boobs are out for the taking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it