shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
