Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...