what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
