my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun