And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito