Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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