we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.