I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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