I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
