I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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