i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will pee on everything he values.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
