So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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