I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
