Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
