btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
