i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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