i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
